I still really like it. (In fact, my first thought was, “wow, I hope I can still write like this.” Heh.)

It begins thusly:

Every week, I expose myself to a hundred thousand people online and invite them to discuss it in a public forum.

They don’t love me for my body. Hell, some of them don’t love me at all. But they come back each week because they know they’ll find a geek’s-eye view of sex. If nothing else, I give them something to think about over the weekend.

It’s a challenge, and I love it.

Click here to read it on this site.
Click here to download the PDF.

Annually, ages 19 through 29

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation?

Kaiser: No. You are too young. You will change your mind.

Argument ensues, including my infamous rant about my body my choice my profound self-insight especially on the subject of my own feelings about myself having babies (performed in an ob-gyn ward, not really the best place for it, oops), and including Kaiser’s admirably consistent but stubbornly mistaken refusal.

Regina: I’m too tired and too busy to fight anymore. Just renew my Pill. Thanks.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Ages 31 through 34

Regina: I’m not even going to bother. Just the Pill, please.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Argument, age 35

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation? You can’t tell me I’m too young now. In fact, I’m on that cusp of “your risk for birth defects increases starting now.”

Kaiser: You might want babies really bad in a year or two. No.

Regina: *unprintable* Fine. Pill, please.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Age 38 and 11 months

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation? I’m almost 40.

Kaiser: Yes, and also you should think about Essure, we also offer that.

Regina: I WIN!

A quick update on what I’m up to:

I’ve been consulting with a start-up all year and will say more about that when we actually launch. For now I can tell you that at least so far we have not dipped our toes into the murky pond of sex robots. It’s been interesting working as an insider, seeing consumer sex tech from the side of distribution and sales and marketing. At the moment I’m writing and editing content for the community portion of the site and it’s been pretty cool to write how-to and what-if articles for a target demographic that tends to be less experienced with sexual accessories than you are, Dear Reader. Or at least, these new readers are less openly chatty about buying and using sex-tech than you are.

I like being a consultant sex educator but since when have I confined my writing to one venue? Embrace the power of and! I have a couple of articles in the works for other places too, fun stuff that presents no conflict of interest, other than the roar of the deadlines zooming in to land on the same runway at the same time. This Friday, thankyouforasking.

(And of course, given opportunities with larger companies with more funding, I would follow mi corazón to a start-up with big dreams and awesome people and a bank account I can actually wrap my mind around because it doesn’t have all those extra places before the decimal point. Typical me.)

When I joined that chat room it was an HTML page that refreshed every five seconds and showed the new posts in a batch, in different font colors. Then it upgraded to java and we could connect via IRC, which I did, for years. And then one day I just stopped. I didn’t need it anymore; the people I needed were securely in my life by other means. Others had faded away through natural attrition and the community shifted, adapting to the needs of the new group.

Because of that experience, between then and now I healed from childhood sexual distress (I don’t like the word “abuse” anymore, it has been … abused … too much). I left a marriage that wasn’t right for either of us; I had great love, and shattering heartbreak; I learned how to be enthusiastic and exuberant about sex; I wrote articles about sex-tech and then wrote a column about it for five years; I authored two books on the subject and had a regular spot on a radio show. I discovered the word “polyamory” and many puzzles from my past fell instantly into place.

Then I walked away.

Even now, a year after retiring the column, I get emails from people who want to share their stories of pain or triumph (often both) with me. I also get a lot of “Dear Abby” questions, to which I reply the best I can, with the caveat that I am not a relationship advice columnist and that most of the time people already know the answer but want validation or permission – or hope that the answer they know is right is actually wrong.

It’s been amazing. I’m focusing now on my “day job” work, my health, my loved ones, and my animals, but I think often about that chat room — the people, not the room itself — and the profound effects it had and continues to have on my life. And about all the people who reached out to me through their responses to the column, their sex-tech innovations and questions and opinions, their delight and wonder when they discovered new good things about themselves and their sexuality. It amazes me still that I got to be a part of your sexual journeys; you certainly have been a part of mine.

I am certain that such communities still exist today, perhaps in 3D platforms, perhaps in webcam rooms, perhaps even still on IRC. The tools have changed faster than people’s needs have changed, and I think Facebook and Twitter fill much the same need today that our chat room did for us: a touch of someone else’s life, a bit of humor, a bit of shared tragedy, a flirtatious comment, a sense of connection (and no, I’m not going to argue if it is ‘real’ or ‘valid’ or ‘disconnection masquerading as connection’ — that’s a matter of individual experience and impossible to generalize accurately).

Here’s a toast to everyone who knew Aphrodite (and I owe some of you apologies, too; all I can say is that I was learning, and trying, and doing the best I could do at the time, as were we all) and a fervent hope that the next 13 years will not be nearly as painful as the past 13. *wink*

It’s a feature about having great sex at any age (although it starts with the 20s and ends with the 50s “and beyond”). The cute thing is that they gave Dr. Ruth and me a mini-bio at the end, with our photos, and we have very similar glasses and smiles.

I showed it to my grandpa, who is 94, saying “Look, Grandpa, they picked me to be the other source, right next to Dr. Ruth!” And he said that he had “heard of her.” And then: “I wish you would do something I could brag about.” Even he realized how that sounded — and yes, he is proud of me, that’s not what he meant — so he rushed to explain. “I can’t really tell my tablemates [at the retirement village] about my sex granddaughter.”

Why not? Dr. Ruth is 81 if she’s had her birthday this year. If she can be respectable and sexy at the same time, why can’t I?

I had no problem getting to sexiersexlessons.wordpress.com, however.

Southwest is testing satellite internet on four of its planes and I just happened to be on one today. The service was fast and steady but comes with the inevitable “to ensure a safe and secure experience for everyone, we block certain sites” disclaimer. I presume I could get to Sexier Sex Lessons either because the wordpress domain fooled the nanny or because I just soft-launched it two days ago (to celebrate the anniversary of the book!) and the bots haven’t caught up with it yet. (I’ll post an official announcement about it next week.)

Do they really think people are going to use airplane wifi for porn though? It’s not like we haven’t had the ability to bring x-rated material onto the plane for decades, with laptops and personal DVD players and PSPs and all kinds of other devices. You’d have to be extremely socially inept to surf porn while crammed into the cubic foot of space you’re allotted in coach. (By the way, I don’t think it counts as the mile-high club if you’re alone.)

If not porn, though, what are they protecting us against? I understand why they block large transfers like movies or big audio files, as there is a technological logic to that, but against content? I use question marks even though I’m not surprised. All it will take is one person to whine to the airline that their neighbor was looking at gory pictures from National Geographic, or playing a vividly violent video game, and the airline is going to be in some kind of public relations, if not legal, trouble.

It’s as insulting as it is annoying. Especially when one is attempting to research an article about vibrators, which one would have been doing if one weren’t too busy trying to tweet things like “I’m tweeting from the plane!”

I wrote a column about tech burnout and its effects on relationships:
Even Geeks Need a Breather

I think today I’d say ESPECIALLY geeks need a breather.

Taking my own advice, I’m letting you know that I’m not dead, not abandoning ship, just being more careful about managing my energy and prioritizing what I want to blog about.

I’ve been lining up some speaking engagements and consulting with people in the middle ground between porn and mainstream, gadget developers and sex toy retailers and the like. But I don’t know. Without the column as an anchor it’s increasingly difficult to track all the feeds every day and compose my thoughts into a coherent, organized whole.

I’m not discouraged exactly so much as … overwhelmed with everything else.

Plugged into sex & technology

Can you believe that I’ve not seen Lars and the Real Girl, and have no plans to see Vicky Christina or whatever that poly/threesome/swinger/group movies is?

I should, of course. Especially the real girl movie, which looks poignant, real, and funny. Not to mention directly related to my beat.

But I have no oomph for it. I so rarely get to the movies anymore (at home or at the theater) that I just lack the patience to pick something even remotely related to work. Movies have always been my freelancer vacation — three hours away from clients and contacts, immersed in a completely different world where Life and Death, Salvation and Destruction hang in the balance. What’s a missed deadline or an embarrassing grammar mistake compared to mummy armies or rings of power that must be destroyed or psychics so politically powerful they dissolve the senate of a federation of hundreds of planets?

For some reason I can’t make my brain shift into “this is enjoyable and also information that I need to stay well-rounded in my topic, and to know what other people are learning and thinking about in this area” when it comes to video. Text, certainly. Bring on the articles, studies, charts, treatises, books … bring on the scripts and the transcripts. I’ll read it faster than I could watch it, and probably remember more and comprehend it better too.

So if you see any great film related to sex-tech, and you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned it, that’s why. Feel free to email me your review of such content and I’ll post it here (or link to your own blog or article or video or whatever media you prefer) if it’s relevant to sex-tech.

This is me, my new glasses and the nJoy Eleven at the Adult Novelty Expo yesterday.

Well, I can make one of those things happen for you.

IN THE FLESH: L.A. EROTIC READING SERIES
THURSDAY, JUNE 26th at 8 PM
FREDDY AND EDDY
12613 VENICE BOULEVARD, LOS ANGELES (Three blocks West of Centinela on the North side)
Admission: Free, $10 suggested donation to RAINN
Freddy and Eddy: 877-915-0380

Our second event is author-heavy, with novelists, memoirists and journalists ready to share their most intimate sexual thoughts and feelings with you. The theme of the evening is “Confessions,” as interpreted by Jenny Block (Open), who wrote a compelling memoirs about her path to an open marriage; Regina Lynn (Sexier Sex), whose book can tell you a thing or two about deepening your sexual self; Maggie Marr (Secrets of the Hollywood Girls Club), whose novels about women in Hollywood will make you blush; Rob Roberge (More Than They Could Chew), who enjoys the looks on people’s faces when he tells them about his sordid past; and Eugene Robinson (Fight), who routinely finds cross-sections between scrapping and sex. Author’s books will also be on sale.

Here’s an excerpt:

On page 73, in the “How to Meet an International Superstud or Sex Kitten,” Lynn implies that airplanes are great places to meet people. There have been some swell erotica stories set on planes, but damn, I’ve never, ever sat next to any stranger with whom I’ve wanted to dive under that flimsy, staticky, blue blanket. Though I am flying to LA for BEA and maybe, just maybe Khaled Hosseini will be sitting next to me and he’ll be feeling particularly naughty.

On the very good side: “How to Seduce Someone in 160 Characters or Less.” I do love me some dirty texts. Lynn gives some great texting suggestions including, “Use abbreviations sparingly, but use them when you need them.” And “Triple-check the recipient’s address before you press Send.” That second one is very important and sort of sad for me too, as I have been on the receiving end of a mis-sent text and it was one of the funniest moments of my life. But I can see how it could also be very, very bad.

Melissa, I hope you did sit next to an international superstud on your flight to or from BEA. (I’d pick Jasper Fforde, myself.) And thank you so much for the review!

ATLANTA — What happens when technology, sex, knowledge, and power enable women to meet up, act up, and hook up like never before? These questions and more are the focus of the Sex 2.0 unconference in Atlanta, Georgia on April 12th, 2008. Held at 1763, a 10,000-square-foot, fully equipped dungeon located 10 miles north of downtown Atlanta, the unconference will feature conversations among activists, social networking pioneers, bloggers, swingers, cruisers, sex futurists and kinksters who have been sexing up Web 2.0 from the beginning — whether in Bangalore or Bangor, Maine.

Maybe you’ve heard of Web sites like Facebook, Craigslist, or Flickr. They’re all social networking sites, the heart of a revolution in the way people produce and share knowledge, make friends, reach out for support, and create professional and personal networks.

When women need help with health, sexual, or personal problems, where do they turn? In a recent Pew Poll, researchers found that women were more likely to turn to the Web for knowledge and support. (Reference: Pew Internet & American Life Project, “How Women and Men Use the Internet,” online at http://www.pewinternet.org/pdfs/PIP_Women_and_Men_online.pdf).

It’s that heady combination of technology, sex, and knowledge in the hands of women (and men) that fascinates well-known Atlanta-area tech/sex blogger Amber Rhea and inspired her to organize the event. She’s not alone. The grassroots unconference will explore these issues with notable and notorious Web-based activists. On April 12, Sex 2.0 participants will:

• Hear keynote speaker Audacia Ray — blogger, video podcaster, award-winning porn director and author of Naked on the Internet – Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration.
• Stimulate your “Sex Drive” with Regina Lynn, Wired magazine’s sex-tech columnist and author of Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier. In her session “How Love/Sex Happens Online,” Lynn will explore the powerful and unexpected experiences people have with online lovers and what it all means inside the hearts of geekdom. Because sex is the first use for any new technology, Lynn will demonstrate how to get the most out of your phone, webcam or laptop and how to use your everyday gadgets to enhance intimacy, pleasure and fun.
• Explore sexual relationships that spring from online meeting places like blogs and forums in sessions with sex futurist Melissa Gira, who runs the award-winning sex blog Sexerati, and contributes to $pread, WHORE!, Best Sex Writing 2008, and Dirty Girls.
• Make history with T.A. Hines’ session, “A Brief History of Sex.” Hines is the irreverent, popular podcaster and Nerve magazine columnist who chronicles her funky brown chick take on sex and New York City in her weekly Internet radio show Dating Roadkill.
• Tempt your inner erotic writer with sex bloggers and writers like Rachel Kramer Bussel, who keeps things tingling at her Lusty Lady blog, and Viviane, who heats up the Web with her blog Viviane’s Sex Carnival.
• Mix it up with j. brotherlove, Joseph G., Minx and Ren, who’ll host rollicking sessions about online dating, cruising, hooking up, BDSM, and swinging whether for kinksters, sexual, ethnic and racial minorities, straight, curious, and in-between

Rhea says she wants the interactive sessions to be a place where people create the experience they need. “This is not your father’s sex conference,” she said. “An unconference belongs to the people who come — double entendre intended.”

People are often puzzled by an unconference, said Rhea, but it’s almost always an experience that makes you never want to attend an ordinary conference again. “You won’t be in a room, sitting on your hands, waiting for a one-way presentation. It’s just like sex, really: a powerful interaction between people that makes the experience more than the people involved.”

Registration for the event is $10 by February 17, $40 until March 28, and $50 after March 28, with the rest of the cost underwritten by volunteers and sponsors. There are still opportunities for sponsors who want to reach their audience — people at the center of a new media that’s changing the way we live.

Rhea thinks that the approach will attract a wide audience: “Everyone will be there to both raise and answer questions, teach and learn — you can do both in one session. It’s up to you.”

From the most creative and sensual minds in Southern California comes a show that will tingle your senses and refine your sexual knowledge.

Welcome to LOVE LA, the first ever Sexual Health, Education and Entertainment Exhibition.

We have created an event for anyone and everyone interested in expanding their sexual horizons in a fun, dignified, and beautiful environment. LOVE LA will present the finest products, retail outlets, seminars, and performances ever assembled in one place, without the in-your-face sexuality common at other adult events.

Even the venue speaks in a softer tone; one step into the gorgeous and historic Boulevard 3 will titillate the senses. Minutes from the Walk of Fame, Chinese Theater, and limitless fine dining, LOVE LA will leave you invigorated and sexually liberated.

We welcome you to join us for this exciting event. Your celebration of sensuality is just beginning…

The workshop schedule includes classes in BDSM, polyamory, anal sex and toys, while the exhibitor list — I just discovered — is packed with people and products I love. nJoy? Monkey Rocker? JT Stockroom? Aneros? Bring it on.