From a long Wall Street Journal story:

Is This Man Cheating on His Wife?
Nearly 40% of men and 53% of women who play online games said their virtual friends were equal to or better than their real-life friends, according to a survey of 30,000 gamers conducted by Nick Yee, a recent Ph.D. graduate from Stanford University. More than a quarter of gamers said the emotional highlight of the past week occurred in a computer world, according to the survey, which was published in 2006 by Massachusetts Institute of Technology Press’s journal Presence.

Um, the people one talks to online are … people. You’re going to come tell me that Mike and I, who have been dear friends for 12 years and who have spent a total of what, 12 weeks in person together in that time, are somehow “less than” the friends who happen to live in the same city as I do? And that everyone I met at the SLCC this past weekend has suddenly now vaulted into a “real friend” status, because we’ve managed to touch each other’s skin?

I understand that lots of people have no interest in making friends online. That’s fine. But don’t go around telling me that my relationships are inferior because they start online, migrate online, or stay online. And don’t insist that I would be better served trying to become best friends with the people on my block, because while they are all nice people and we wave and smile and stuff, we have very, very little in common.

“There’s a fuzziness that’s emerging between the virtual world and the real world,” says Edward Castronova, associate professor in the Department of Telecommunications at Indiana University, Bloomington.”

It’s always been fuzzy. It’s just taking most people a lot longer to catch up to the early adopters, the intuitive, emotional, communicative types who are drawn to virtual spaces. Those folks for whom relationships are so important, they find them everywhere, always connecting with other humans, sharing stories, forming ties.

If virtual spaces don’t work for you, great, you have a whole physical world to explore. If virtual spaces do work for you, great, you have an opportunity to build worlds the way you want them. But I hope you don’t let anyone “rank” your relationships by some stupid criteria like proximity.

I am sounding pretty defensive here, I guess, but I’m so tired of this dance around what is “real” and what is “fantasy” and what is “virtual” and so on. (And frankly, I’m just tired; the storms and plane problems to and from Chicago mean I’ve gone 5 intense days a total of about 16 hours of sleep.)

It’s all people.

And this people is going to bed now.

One of the things I keep talking about is that we need a new vocabulary, if we’re going to keep distinguishing between virtual and physical space. Or we need to stop distinguishing.

I’m inclined to simplify and just say things like “we met a year ago” and let online be as valid a meeting as any other venue. And yet, some people find that misleading, and want to know when you met “in person” (when what they really mean is “when did your bodies occupy the same 8-foot circle”).

Mac News: Social Networking: More Than a Convention, It’s a Smeeting
People actually coined a new phrase: ‘Nice to “smeet” you.’ S-M-E-E-T,” says Randal Moss, executive director of the conference.

“Smeet,” Moss explains, is short for “second meeting,” the first one having happened on the Second Life grid.

Perfectly clear: First meet happens in Second Life, and second meet happens in first life.

From an MSNBC article over the weekend, about a new study showing that Viagra raises oxytocin levels in rats:

Viagra may give men more than physical love
“I hope that this (finding) doesn’t cause some wild orgy of inappropriate recreational use.”

Sigh. I sure do. LOL

I intended to post daily from the Second Life Community Convention — but then, I intended that at Internext, too. It’s amazing how busy a convention can be when you’re working. The sex & relationships panel today went well but as always we ran out of time for Q&A. Please, if you were there and we didn’t get a chance to talk, email me or join the Sex Drive forum and start a thread.

One of the wonderful aspects of SLCC is that people come here for fun. This isn’t a convention your boss sends you to, where you have to See And Be Seen and maybe even Learn Something. This is a community gathering, with many interesting seminars, with organized events and disorganized ones (heh), and with time to hang out with people in their bodies for a change. I’m loving all the people I’m meeting who have been in love for a while and who just met in person this week. Some are getting married in world tomorrow. Others are floating around, starry eyed, hoping the storms will come back and strand us here.

That’s my thing, you know: stories. Talking to people about what they are learning about themselves and their relationships, what the virtual realm means to them and how they balance their lives and loves.

I wandered out of the hotel tonight and discovered a music-beneath-the-stars event across the street in the beautiful park. (Dunno what park; it’s bordered by Michigan Ave, and we can see Lake Superior Michigan (duh!) from here.) I got there for the last 20 minutes of the set from Geno Delafose & French Rockin’ Boogie and danced like…like…like an avatar! I find that the lone dancers tend to congregate near the stage, so I threaded my way up and got in with the three or four soloists, which meant I was conveniently placed when the band played a waltz, and one of the nice gentlemen led me through it. (I’ve never formally learned to waltz.) I bought a CD as a souvenir but of course don’t have my CD drive with me (keeps the laptop lightweight).

Speaking of CDs, the musicians here at SLCC have been wonderful. Can’t wait to listen to your album, Manitoba Hal.

SLers are a lively, talkative bunch, the ice broken long ago in-world, the sense of play and creativity evident in how we’ve adorned ourselves. The Eros Masquerade Ball is next — I gotta hit the shower — and you can just feel the quivering excitement as folks talk about what they’ve created, costumes and props and so on. Even I, who have no design skills whatsoever, am cautiously decking myself out in … well, wisps of things, and hoping to go unphotographed or at least not wind up on the SLCC Flickr stream.

Ok so that’s not a lot of specific sex-tech info but I’m too tired, too giddy and in all seriousness I haven’t had enough time to think through the insights and stories I’m gaining here. Those observations will filter into future columns and blog posts, I’m sure. Certainly I’ll try to bullet list the highlights of the sex & relationships panel when I have some time to think through it.

A reader (thanks, Robert!) forwarded me this link:

Bloggers in it for sex
In this week’s Media Guy column for Advertising Age magazine, Dumenco contends that knowledge of the hippest, hottest blogs can increase hook-up opportunities and boost sexual attractiveness. He maintains some people are using niche blogs such as Gawker.com and Defamer.com to gain pop cultural insights that make them more socially desirable and ultimately more likely to get lucky.

Living in L.A. I can report that many small businesses *still* don’t have websites — extremely frustrating when you want to know when they’re open, what their phone number is, and whether they have a particular product/service you’re after. The only place I’ve talked to blog- or web-savvy Angelinos has been on the tech community email list and at Media Bistro events (where “blogs” in general are greeted with fear and excitement, as if there is no difference between a casual semi-blog like this one and a blog that’s really a newspaper or magazine).

When I moved here almost 8 years ago I was amazed at how many Hollywood people took pride in not knowing how to “do email.” It’s gotten better than that — but when the young owner of a new nail salon in Pasadena was surprised that she was being asked a dozen times a day for her URL, and said to me she didn’t even think about having a website before that, I despaired.

So no, not everywhere is being bloggy going to get you laid. It only counts when everyone else around you is aware of the tubes, too.

Interesting combination of relationship and tech here:

» Software to ease divorce pains
If you went through a divorce during your life, you know it can be painful. Who will keep the house or the kids? How the money will be distributed? Even if professional mediators are involved, the process can really be unpleasant. According to LiveScience, two programs developed by Australian researchers might help. Their divorce software is designed to handle negotiations. ‘Family Winner’ and ‘Family Mediator’ mix ‘artificial intelligence, game theory and an electronic or human external mediator to help divorcing couples settle their disputes in a fair and rational manner.’ These two programs are only research prototypes at the moment, but the researchers hope they will soon be commercialized.

It apparently requires both parties to weight their wants and needs and divvies up the stuff based on priorities rather than simply cutting everything in half.

Seems to me this could be a helpful tool for some folks (like me) who need to see all the numbers on paper in times of stress, when it’s harder to see things as they are rather than how you fear (or want) them to be. Not a substitute for conversation or humans but as a support tool to handle some of the calculations and remind you of factors that need consideration.

I just had to share this, because my photographer friend caught me in a moment of tranquility and I really like the picture. Those of you who’ve asked me for pictures other than the glamour shot on my bio page, here ya go.

Does this mean I should start wearing makeup and practicing not giving myself a double chin when I smile?

BlueFire uTV
BlueFire uTV is unique entertainment systems for bars, night clubs, restaurants, malls, sports complexes and other venues where people gather for entertainment and fun and to socialize.

BlueFire uTV allows users to send picture from camera on their mobile phone to LCD, plasma or projection screen. Once the picture is displayed on the screen, user can send their feedback or opinion to the screen via SMS or text messaging. BlueFire uTV enables users to be seen on TV!

By the way, I’m planning to go to this, as an attendee, not as a speaker — how relaxing! — and if you read Sex Drive you’ll probably want to come too:

Arse Elektronika 2007
From the depiction of a vulva in a cave painting to the newest internet porno, technology and sexuality have always been closely linked. No one can predict what the future will bring, but history indicates that sex will continue to play an essential role in technological development. The porno effect accompanies every new technological development. Is it going too far to assume that research in nanotechnology and genetic engineering will be influenced by our sexual needs? The surgical modification of sexual organs is no longer something very unusual. The question is not whether these technologies alter humanity, but how they do so.

However, I can’t find any registration info on the site, so either I’ve completely lost my mind, or it’s not up yet. As soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.

I walked out looking for groceries only to find that they situate the grocery store just too far away to walk, in heat and humidity, after one’s shower and dressing up for the kick-off networking event. Two miles is not that far to walk — but two miles roundtrip in 90+ degrees with humidity, in one’s GrownUp Clothes and Girlie Shoes? I guess I’ll go later when it’s dark and I can change into walkin’ gear. It’s either that or not have fruit, cheese ‘n’ crackers handy for snacking tomorrow, when it’s seminars all day and filing stories within half an hour of each one’s close.

Why, yes, I’m here to work, didn’t I say? Watch the front page of AVN.com for coverage. nsfw Two of the staff writers will be handling some seminars and all the parties; I’ll be covering the Technology track (except for the panel I’m actually on). I know from experience that realtime stories (which differs from liveblogging in that the result needs to be more polished and entirely accurate) are exhilarating if you like your topic (which I do) but also leave little time for eating and potty breaks. Hence, my need for groceries.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

I’m told that this conference really does fill the entire resort (the Westin Diplomat in Hollywood, Florida) and things “get crazy” once the hotel stops letting people in who don’t have badges. Not like I want to skinny dip in a pool full of 20-year-olds, but there’s a whole ocean out there too …. *evil grin*

Notice that half of the five top “prestige” jobs are also low paying jobs. (Most of the scientists, teachers, and nurses I know are not raking in the big bucks, let me tell you.)

Still Don’t Get No Respect: Poll Finds Journos At Bottom Of ‘Prestige’ Jobs
CHICAGO Hang down your head, journalist — your fellow Americans don’t think your career is much to be proud of.

The annual Harris Poll measuring public perceptions of 23 professions and occupations came out Wednesday — and you can find journalists in the Bottom Ten.

[snip]

Journalists were rated ahead of just seven other occupations: union leader, stockbroker, entertainer, accountant, banker, actor, and real estate agent/broker.

In addition to firefighters, five occupations are perceived to have “very great” prestige by at least half of all adults — scientists (54%); teachers (54%); doctors (52%); military officers (52%); and nurses (50%).

What’s funny is that I’ve never thought of journalism as a “prestige” job in general. I guess I have a Superman/Spiderman stereotype. Hard work, not much money, not much respect - in fact, quite a bit of revilement, yet struggling hard to get the truth out to an ungrateful public. It’s only been in recent years that I’ve realized that as a columnist and feature writer, I come under the heading of “journalist” — I tend to feel I don’t deserve it, because I’m not out there on the front lines of a war or on a sickbed in Africa while reporting a story about Malaria, or exposing the mistreatment of war veterans or the levels of “hidden” toxins in drinking water.

I take my job seriously and I work hard to get my facts right and talk to the right people and craft my words — I even believe my work is important — but I doubt I’ll ever see a Pulitzer on my shelf, and I squirm a little in sharing the job title of those people who do. They’re the “real” journalists.

And I’m thinking that the people surveyed about prestige jobs think of “journalist” as any ol’ person who gets up on TV and claims to be one.

internext nsfw is the trade show for the online side of the adult business. why they need their own show — why the separation of “regular” and “online” — is beyond me, but then, so is the practice of having two newsrooms divided by output format instead of one big one focused on creating the best content for each medium and presenting it in the best way and …

anyway.

took a dip in the atlantic ocean this morning. first time i’ve seen it, despite numerous trips to various cities on the east coast. (note that to a native californian, everything east of nevada is ‘the east coast.’)

the organizers reserved the entire hotel just for internext — no minors allowed — which leads me to believe things will get wild and hot around the pool and in the rooms and bars these next few nights. when i find out who the partybloggers are, i’ll post their links for you, as i’m not one of them. LOL

i notice as i walk around this morning that i keep looking at all the tiny women and handsome men and wondering if they’re performers; some turn out to be newlyweds and vacationers of course. but it’s funny what stereotypes persist in my head. my first thought when i see a scantily clad small woman– mainstream porn stars are generally short as well as slender — is that she’s a performer. more covered up, older, less skinny women (like me!) i think are in the office side of things: marketing, journalism, project management, directing, etc. and the seniors, i think are on the last day of their vacations before they check out and cede the resort to internext.

but there is no reason for any of those stereotypes. lots of waifs are not porn stars. some porn stars are seniors. one thing about the online porn biz is that it has attracted a wider range of looks and bodies. and in the online world, many of the porn stars are also their own business directors, webmasters, marketing team and CEOs.

anyway. i’m speaking on a panel about “future tech” this saturday, and i’m covering some of the seminars for AVN magazine. other than that, i’m poking around looking for interesting ways in which these folks are pushing the technology, inventing things and adapting tech to new applications.

i also have 400 unread emails. blame the book contract - i’m on deadline and i’m late with it, so that is eating up time i would normally have to answer your questions and respond to your tips and all those other wonderful things y’all have to say.

i have time for another dip in the ocean before the work gets started, and of course the ocean is one of the ultimate creative forces on the planet, and therefore i do a lot of great book-related thinking in there, so it’s a productive use of my time. (in fact i only came in because i realized i would fry if i didn’t buy spray-on sunscreen, as i can’t reach all the parts of my back with the cream sunscreen. heh.)