And yes, the column text is gone again. Lycos, are you paying attention?
Here’s the raw copy I turned in. Some links won’t work, as they are relative paths to other columns.
Older and Softer Could Be Better
* Sex Drive ยป You haven’t stayed the same over the years, and sex shouldn’t either. You might be surprised by what turns you on if you try adding something new, or old, to your repertoire. Commentary by Regina Lynn.
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Fifteen years ago, on the rare occasions that my partner and I rented pornography, we went for hardcore. Not because he needed it that way, but because I did.
Back then, movies marketed to women and couples bored me to tears. I didn’t want soft focus and cameras lingering down a woman’s body. If I was going to rent a sex movie, I wanted to see sex.
I wanted to see power, penetration and physical prowess. Forget any attempt at story or plot, because the actors couldn’t convey it convincingly. And of course if I wanted to see a story, we’d have rented a real movie. All I wanted was sexual content that would jump-start my sex drive.
Ten years ago, I paid money for an age-validation pass that got me into several porn websites. This time, I was a voyeur alone, seeking something to masturbate to. I cruised through all kinds of sites, from gay male porn to BDSM to all anal, all the time.
The web was new, online porn was new to me, and — having always been an excellent student — I crammed a hell of a lot of study into a short period of time.
Fast forward to today. For three years running, I’ve attended the biggest annual adult industry convention in search of tech stories. I’ve had sex over chat, audio and video. I’ve used teledildonics and a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator and decorated a shelf in my office with hand-sculpted ceramic dildos (NSFW).
And I’ve seen way more porn than I ever expected to.
Watching porn for work is a very different experience from watching it for fun. I’ve believed for a year now that my diminished response to porn happened because I no longer associate it with the bedroom, but with deadlines. Talk about a let-down!
Then, just before Christmas, Sex.ed columnist Jamye Waxman sent me a DVD containing several erotic vignettes from Playgirl TV (NSFW). I inserted it into my DVD player and sprawled out on the couch with the remote, intending to skip around and see what this porn-for-women had to offer.
I expected soft focus, lots of kissing and camera angles designed to protect me from seeing much cock. But instead, I got sex.
As you might expect, the stories emphasize female pleasure and pay attention to audio and visual details — costumes, props, settings, music, moans. Each vignette features female voiceover talent narrating the story while the performers act it out. One scene involved a 19th-century London prostitute and her young noble john; another brought two modern New Yorkers together at a bus stop on a rainy day.
Best of all, the camera pays homage to the male bodies. Shoulders, bellies, hip bones, thighs and — yay! — cocks. The emphasis on facial expression and body language goes beyond standard male-oriented fare, but no one pretends this is hearts-and-flowers romance, either.
And it was hot.
Playgirl does not shy away from sex — this is not porn sanitized or dumbed-down for women — but it was certainly not the hardcore that I usually turn to when I’m in the mood for porn.
In fact, the first stirrings of arousal surprised me so much, I didn’t recognize it. When I noticed I was turned on, I couldn’t do anything about it. By then my roommate had joined me on the couch and we were MST3King the video instead.
Like my tastes in porn, my sexual preferences have changed over time. At 18, I wanted quick gratification, because if I didn’t come quickly, I wouldn’t come at all.
At 21, I could hardly bring myself to have sex, because I’d grown out of that particular brand of horniness exclusive to teenagers. Physical drive could no longer overpower instinct to shut down, which I developed as a child to protect myself from a screwed-up neighborhood teenager.
By 26, after some therapy and lots of cybersex, I shed the last of my worries and enjoyed sex thoroughly, uncomplicatedly, for the first time in my life.
Today, at 34, I feel like a veteran and an innocent at the same time. All I’ve done and all I’ve seen only emphasizes the astonishing range of human sexuality.
Who would have thought that so many “ordinary” couples were building so many Sex Machines in (NSFW) in their garages? Or how many swingers (NSFW) blend in to the suburbs? Or how many couples fall deeply, and truly, and perhaps accidentally in love through interaction in virtual places?
We have an overwhelming array of sexual choices that our parents did not. Solo or playmate, online or off, text or video, toys or au natural, in-game or private IM, hardcore or soft, straight or gay, male or female, couples game or singles chat, high-tech requiring a computer science degree to operate or no assembly required — and any custom blend across the whole spectrum.
It’s our responsibility as sexual beings to experiment and open ourselves to ideas that might not have inspired us in the past. I think we owe it to ourselves and to each other, because the more fun we’re willing to have with sex, the stronger our relationships will be.
If something that used to turn you on now barely attracts your attention — and I mean something here, not someone — it might just be that you’ve moved on. To quote from Avenue Q, sex is only for now (.ram clip). But that’s okay.
Sex is kind of like horses. You’ll never know everything, so you just have to keep trying. And enjoy the ride.
See you next Friday,
Regina Lynn
Regina Lynn has nothing against Valentine’s Day and never has. But she didn’t think you wanted to read yet another article about it. You can email her at ginalynn@gmail.com.
Cuando mi amiga tiene tiempo, yo puedo preguntar sí ella puedo traducir.
