If I were to combine all of my interests and projects into a brand spankin’ new career, I think I’d open a horse camp for broken-hearted women.

We’d provide horses and Parelli Natural Horsemanship foundational instruction for the women to build relationships with those horses. (PNH is perfect because you learn so much about love, communication, relationship give and take, responsibility — and not just as it pertains to horses. Wimmens dig it.) Probably we’d have to have a side business of buying and selling horses, for women who fall in love with a particular one. The only way to afford that is to rescue horses and let horses and humans heal each other.

We’d have a variety of other girl stuff - hiking, swimming, yoga, gourmet food, wine tasting, writing workshops, reading room, fast internet, sex ed. Oh yes, sex ed. And I’m not just talking about health information, although that’s important too.

Sex-tech workshops, for starters. (See? I’m on topic!) This is where women can discover, or rediscover, their sexuality, their pleasure, their power. Whether they want to jump right back into dating and/or sex, or keep sex a solo experience for a while, or become an online burlesque performer — whatever a woman wants to learn and even try next, she could learn about it here. Everything I’ve ever covered in the column, the books, the radio — we’d let the topics emerge from the clients in addition to a set seminar schedule to provide structure for those who don’t even know what they want to know.

Put Monkey Rockers in the guest cabins. Hand out gift bags from Babeland, Good Vibrations, Stockroom — whoever is our sponsor that week.

I’d have to set up in Colorado, I think, or Montana; much as I’d like to stay in California, it’s too expensive. Ditto Florida. Mexico would be ideal but I’d hate to add the logistics of passports and international travel to a woman going through an intense breakup. OTOH would you really want to be somewhere it snows? O! the logistics!

It’s amazing, how many women I’ve met since I bought my horse who also got back into horses in their late 30s to late 50s after a divorce. They look back and think “I gave up my horse dreams to get married, raise kids, have a career … and now I’m starting a new phase of my life and dammit it’s going to have horses in it.” That’s simplifying it a bit, but you know there’s an element of truth there.

(Which makes me realize I don’t know what the men do. Sports cars? Motorcycles? Sex with improbably young things? Completely break down without a woman to take care of them?)