If you’ve been a remote guest on TV before, you’ll already know this stuff. But I thought it was interesting the first time around and figured that some of you might, too.

I was on the Fox News show Heartland with John Kasich tonight.

Here’s what goes into just a minute or two of a show like this:

• The segment producer finds you and makes contact and puts you on the schedule
• One or more segment producers “pre-interview” you, to give you a sense of what the host will ask, and to give the host a sense of how you will answer
• They send a car for you and drive you to the studio
• They do hair and makeup (sometimes this is by request only; for tonight, I did my own, which means I washed my hair and let it dry before I left the house, and also I put on makeup. I took a pic with my cell phone:)
  
• They set you up in a chair and put an earbud in your ear and a mic on your shirt
• They tell you to look into the camera the whole time
• They play the show in your ear, so you can follow along
• They say “ok, you’re on in ___ minutes/seconds”
• The host introduces you and you hear it in one ear
• And you talk to the camera, unable to see the host, no one to play off of, no idea what facial expressions or body language the host is using. For all I know, John was rolling his eyes and twirling his finger by his ear while I said “Manatees are funny!” in the little box behind his head.
• A minute or two later, they say in your ear “Thanks, that was great, have a good evening!”

All that time, all those people, just to make two minutes of television look effortless. It’s amazing.

What’s also interesting is that I get a “performer high” even just from this. It’s not as euphoric as what follows an in-person event or even joining show hosts on set, but it’s still there. I always walk out of the studio feeling happy and connected, which is odd, because TV is not a connective medium; the Television Audience is only in your mind, not in your presence, except for shows filmed before a live audience.

I’m still wondering why they wanted the Sex Drive columnist to talk about internet video (horny manatees!), as it was not a sex-tech segment except by the stretchiest stretch of the imagination. But I’m glad. I do know about other stuff, after all. Sometimes even I forget I have a background in online community development….