I guess now I know why no one tries to pick me up in Facebook. According to Top 10 Social Networking Pickup Tips on AskMen, you are all avoiding me because I don’t list a relationship status in my profile.

“Anyone who has ‘it’s complicated’ or worse yet, doesn’t list a status at all, might have baggage — or a crazy boyfriend — you want no part of.”

Really?

I don’t list a relationship status because if you know me even a little bit, you already know the kinds of relationships I have. And if you don’t know me at all, I’d rather you spend some time getting to know me rather than glance at a multiple-choice answer that might mean something different to you than it does to me. Especially considering how many different types of arrangements fit into the category I’d have to pick.

I hope that doesn’t make me high-maintenance.

Some people don’t list their relationship status in an attempt, however vain, to keep the information away from advertisers. Some include their status but don’t reveal it to anyone outside a designated category of contacts. Some list an erroneous status. Some don’t want people to know how often their relationship status changes.

How sad to miss out on a great connection just because a person doesn’t feel like summing up their love life in fewer than five words – from a template, not their heart — in a social networking profile.

I know I’m taking the piece too seriously. The “top 10 list” articles are about generating page views (you have to click to a new page for each of the 10 tips) and exposing as much advertising as possible (ads appear between pages, on top of the tip text, and on all four sides of the article space). They attempt to provide just enough entertainment to keep you clicking, but not so much that you can’t bear to click on an ad and go watch a movie trailer or shop for razors.

Besides, we have a story in my family that sheds a different light on the whole relationship status thing.

My parents met when they both worked for the same law firm during college. When my dad first asked my mom out, mom said, “Thanks, but I have a boyfriend.” Dad just smiled his devilish smile and replied. “That’s okay. All my girlfriends have had boyfriends.” There was laughter and a suggestion about calling him if the boyfriend didn’t work out.

That Friday, the boyfriend didn’t show up. My mom, a good Catholic girl, waited an appropriate interval (about half an hour, I think) and then gave dad a call. They’ve now been married for 41 years. (And no, dad had not arranged for anything to happen to the boyfriend. It was just good timing.)

You simply can’t tell someone’s true relationship status from a check box.