As the health insurance reform arguments continue, I find myself thinking about the one argument I’ve had with Kaiser Permanente. In every other aspect I have had excellent care and I like their business model. And yet, given that half the country would vote against a national health care plan because it covers birth control and/or abortion, and the other half would vote against it because it does not cover birth control and/or abortion, and both sides are SO SURE of their rightness, I cannot understand my providers’ insistence that I wouldn’t know my own mind about my own reproductive choices.

Annually, ages 19 through 29

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation?

Kaiser: No. You are too young. You will change your mind.

Argument ensues, including my infamous rant about my body my choice my profound self-insight especially on the subject of my own feelings about myself having babies (performed in an ob-gyn ward, not really the best place for it, oops), and including Kaiser’s admirably consistent but stubbornly mistaken refusal.

Regina: I’m too tired and too busy to fight anymore. Just renew my Pill. Thanks.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Ages 31 through 34

Regina: I’m not even going to bother. Just the Pill, please.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Argument, age 35

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation? You can’t tell me I’m too young now. In fact, I’m on that cusp of “your risk for birth defects increases starting now.”

Kaiser: You might want babies really bad in a year or two. No.

Regina: *unprintable* Fine. Pill, please.

Kaiser: Certainly.

Age 38 and 11 months

Regina: Can I please make an appointment for a tubal ligation? I’m almost 40.

Kaiser: Yes, and also you should think about Essure, we also offer that.

Regina: I WIN!